Hilton Cricket Club April Update

It’s almost time to banish those winter blues and forget about the “credit crunch”. This month heralds the Cricket Crunch. There will be no place for sub-prime performances. Everything is coming together in time for the start of the season; the Chancellor forgot to put a tax on cricket and then they opened Terminal 5, so that millions of Hilton fans coming in from all parts of the planet can have the experience of losing their baggage in the most modern facility the country can offer.

Soon, the blades of the mower will be caressing the sward on the Green, and if that cuddly, furry mole chanced to poke his fluffy little head through the ground, he would be chips. As the effulgent rays of the afternoon sun draw drops of moisture from the ground, the gentle, sonorous throbbing of a 10-ton Mighty Mammoth road-roller will be heard around the square as it desperately tries to even out the bulges and fissures left by the earthquake of 29th February (or, more likely, by months of neglect – Ed.).

The groundsman will flavour the air with soft, watery jets of noxious herbicides, lest any green-leafed plant should even for a moment contemplate growing on his beloved wicket. Such are the preparations to convert a simple village green into a stage on which battles will be played out between country gentlefolk whose only weapon is a hard, leather-clad ball against which the principal shield is a narrow willow blade. Are they crazy? You can break several fingers doing that.

The new season begins on Sunday 27th April with an outing to Castor & Ailsworth CC.