Not long until Christmas, and you need to select a present for the cricketer in your family. HCC Enterprises comes to the rescue once again.  This year we feature the humble helmet.

Helmets, as worn by batsmen and close fielders, are a necessity these days. Gone are the times when Sir Geoffrey would face 90 mph deliveries with no more than a flat cap for protection, or when Brian Close would field three inches from the bat, wearing nothing more protective than a Yorkshire bikini bottom. Cricketers were ‘ard in them days. Sadly, the helmet is here to stay, but it’s about as fashionable as a First World War gas mask. So, our team of designers have put their heads together to bring the helmet into the 21^st Century with three great innovations.

The HelPod™ is the helmet with the built-in iPod which lets you listen to your favourite tune while you bat. You won’t hear the sledging from the fielders around you, nor those annoying LBW appeals. If your partner at the other end is using a HelPod too, you can form a wireless network and share the music or talk and send texts to each other, commenting on the bowling.

The HelMorph™ is such a simple concept that you wonder why no-one thought of it before. This beauty is fitted with a rotating louvred grille. You’ll remember louvered advertising boards at football grounds, where an ad for the local massage parlour would transform into one for Northern Rock, etc. The louvres on the HelMorph are set up to display the faces of your favourite batsmen – Kevin Pietersen, Ricky Ponting, Sachin Tendulkar…. As the bowler runs up, you press a button to rotate the louvres and your face morphs into KP! This is guaranteed to propel you to a century and give the man with the ball a nervous breakdown.

The HelBQ™ gives the helmet some utility. You spend £40 on a helmet, you wear it while you face a few overs until your partner runs you out. Then you stalk off and fling your helmet on the pavilion floor, and where it lands it lies for another week. What a waste of money. For a few quid more, you could have bought a HelBQ. After taking off this uniquely engineered gem at the end of your innings, you simply plug it in and the grille heats up for you to cook a juicy burger or a few sausages. There you have it – dinner for one! The bowl of the HelBQ will catch the drips of fat as your succulent meal sizzles. Alternatively, you can fill it with hot charcoal for that real BBQ flavour. The HelBQ is dishwasher-safe.

*Please note that we have now sold out of the satellite navigation system that directs visiting teams to Helston, rather than Hilton. 

And finally – some breaking news – we’ve been promoted to Hunts League Division 4!!