Hilton Cricket Club  February 2007 report

It's coming up to our AGM, once again.  At 8.00 p.m. on Wednesday, 7^th March, you'll find us all in the Cricket Pavilion, celebrating and generally having fun.  Put the date in your diary now and be sure to arrive early.  We had to take serious crowd control measures last year.

High on our agenda will be the award of the much coveted trophies.  Forget the Oscars, the Baftas, the Brits and the Grammies -  Helen Mirren will definitely not be walking off with one of ours.   The names inside our gold envelopes will be as follows:

The AJ Oakett Memorial Trophy, for the best individual performance of the season
Ian Jacobs.  In three consecutive appearances, Ian took 5, 6 and 5 wickets for just 49 runs.

The George Britten Cup, for the young player of the year
Frazer Leader.  Frazer's bowling action is admired by the cricket world and he's expected to give coaching lessons to England's Steve Harmison.

The Fred Robinson Memorial Trophy, for clubman of the year
Tony Jacobs.  Tony is "Mr Reliable".  Despises quick singles and unnecessary running.

Now, those of you who accidentally switched on the radio at six o'clock in the morning on Sunday, 11^th February, will have been shocked to hear that England were in danger of winning a one-day international against Australia.  What is more, with it came the Three Nations Commonwealth Bank Series title.  Some of you may have noticed that England were assisted by the application of the, so-called, Duckworth-Lewis method.  Really, it's just a contrivance to let you know that it's been raining.  Your first realisation that something strange is happening is when the TMS commentator announces that whilst England batted first and scored 245 runs, Australia only need to score 211 to win.  What seems like a gross injustice is your clue that Duckworth-Lewis is in operation.  People think that the calculation of the adjusted score for the second batting side is complicated, but I can reveal its secrets to Spectrum readers and show that it is simplicity itself.  As any schoolboy knows:

• where z is the phase of the moon, t is the time it takes for a gerbil to smoke a cigarette, θ is Freddie's inside leg measurement, i equals zero on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and n is the difference between a cat.

So, that's sorted it out once and for all.  Let there be no more confusion.

Finally, our Club President, Robin Boyes, is now the proud owner of two new, gleaming hips.  We wish him a speedy recovery and hope that his replacement suspension will have been satisfactorily run in by the time of our AGM.